tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26945070710357636902024-02-19T22:28:22.379-08:00No Time for Bad DaysUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-89610203778758085182012-02-15T17:33:00.000-08:002012-02-16T10:38:24.696-08:00When is it enough?Its a long one! Writing it all out is like therapy to me.<br /><br />Isaac has been dealing with bullying at school. In early January he was suspended for fighting back against 3 boys. We were encouraged by the principal (Ms. Crooks) to help him find tools to deal with how to appropriately react to similar situations in the future, so he would not be the one getting into trouble. When situations arise with my children I address them. In doing so, I have found out some details that disturb me. In a previous blog entry I had expressed frustration with Ms. Crook lying to me. Today was the last time.<br /><br />Let me take you all back. In December Isaac was teasing a boy named Christian about liking a girl, the boy responded by pushing Isaac to the ground, putting his face into the ground and then shoving grass into his mouth. A call was put into the principal about what happened, unfortunately the next day Isaac decided to retaliate. For that he got into trouble. At this point Ms. Crooks referred to Isaac's behavior as bullying. I was bullied as a kid and there was no way I would tolerate my child doing that to another child. I took action, got him in to speak with a counselor who he continues to see now. <br /><br />In January there was an incident with three boys while they were all playing a tripping game. The play turned serious when the three boys tackled Isaac in an effort to take him down to the ground since they were unable to trip him. I didn't view it on their part as malicious, but I could understand why Isaac felt threatened being tackled by three boys. That is not <em>exactly</em> what the principal told me. She told me repeatedly that Isaac said he was tripped and he got angry and that is why he tackled the other boys, she said all the kids had the same story. After he insisted that story was not true I dug further, finally getting the statement that he and she both had written on. The written account did NOT match what she had told me. I went further and called the school board, that was on a Friday. On Monday, which is the day he was suspended, I was able to speak with Paula at the school board who confirmed that none of the other statements reflected what she had said either. So instead of Isaac being the victim having been tackled by three boys just like his statement said, she said that he did it out of anger from being tripped. I expressed my frustration to Paula about Ms. Crooks lying to me and it was brushed off as her miscommunication the incident to me. Whatever.<br /><br />Once Isaac got suspended he worked really hard on not reacting to other kids doing things to him and telling an adult instead. His teacher has him on a behavioral chart, he can receive two stars per day which can be earned through good playground behavior. He did an excellent job and only missed one star the whole time. He has been so proud of himself, he gets in the car and says "Mommy, I had a good day!" His efforts have really paid off and it has boosted his self esteem.<br /><br />Last Thursday when Isaac got into the car he did what he was supposed to do and informed me of an incident that had just happened after school. We went in to talk to Ms. Crooks, but she was unavailable so we went over and talked to Isaac's teacher about it since Danny is in his class. He informed me that Danny had been in the office earlier for another incident and that he would call Danny's mom. Here is what happened per Isaac's account. When Isaac was waiting for me after school, a little boy named Danny who was in the same area as he was told him to leave that he was there first. Then Danny and some other boys began to call Isaac fat, took his back-pack, threw it in the bushes and they all stomped on it. One thing Isaac did say to me that made no sense was that the mom had pulled up, pointed at Isaac and said something but he didn't know what. He was acting strange and I knew that couldn't be the whole story. I later found out that he flipped the kids the bird in all his frustration and the mom saw it.<br /><br />I sent Ms. Crooks an email and she called me after she spoke to all the kids and had them write their statement. Only Isaac said he didn't write one, she wrote it for him. She said that the kids did all have the same stories, only difference was she said that there was some kicking involved and the mom said he flipped them off (at this point he hadn't told me that). She said Isaac left out the part he played in it, which ended up being that he flipped them off. Things went fine up until yesterday.<br /><br />I got a phone call from Ms. Crooks, she told me Isaac hadn't done anything but told me that Isaac was walking with Danny and another boy named Mark. Mark had a book that Danny asked to see, Isaac made a snide comment saying that Danny probably wouldn't give it back so Danny poked him with a pencil. She said we just need to keep encouraging Isaac to make better choices in the friends he plays with. <br /><br />When he got home we talked about it and the story was similar. Isaac said they were in line to go back to their classroom and Isaac was standing with Mark. Danny cut the line and stood with them and that is when the remark was made and Isaac was "poked". Why did I put poked in quotes you ask? That would be because when I asked Isaac where he was "poked" and looked at it, there was a small puncture about an inch away from his right nipple. It was done with enough force to go through his shirt and puncture his skin. Danny was able to return to class after they visited the office.<br /><br />I wrote Ms. Crooks an email and attached pictures of the puncture and cc someone from the school district because at this point I was pissed. What if the pencil had gone into his eye? At what point is this actually going to be addressed? I was able to vent my frustration to some lovely Internet friends of mine who were sincere in their concern and always have great advice. I knew they would be honest with me when I asked if I was overreacting. <br /><br />Stopbullying.gov is the website I had found that gives advice on bullying and the steps to take when your child is being bullied or your child is the bully<br />I don't think my kids are perfect, I know they have their faults and they don't handle every situation properly. When they have a behavior that needs to be corrected, you bet your ass I am on top of it. When I feel my child is being singled out or treated badly I will do the same. <br /><br />The only step that I had not yet taken was "Commit to making the bullying stop". The recommendation is that if the bullying persists or escalates to either contact an attorney or law enforcement. I spoke to an officer last night who suggested I call and speak to one of the school resource officers. Officer Creed, one of the School Resource officers said he would go by the school today to talk to Danny. I asked him if he could also talk to Isaac, it couldn't hurt right? <br /><br />Ms. Crooks called me after the officer left the school and said that they had spoken to both boys. She explained to me how he was praised about how he handled the situation yesterday and that he left the office very happy. Then came the BUT...ugh. She told me he had gone out to recess and was playing handball and there was a boy running in front of the handball court saying "you can't hit me", Isaac threw the ball at him. A teacher who was scanning the playground saw it and told Isaac to park it, but Ms. Crooks said he refused so the teacher sent him to her office. <br /><br />We had a long discussion, I told her I didn't feel like the situation was being handled properly since there were no consequences for what Danny had done. I laid all my frustrations out and explained that I just couldn't understand why Isaac had been suspended for defending himself yet this boy went straight back to class after he stabbed (poke graduated to stab when Isaac showed me how it was done and when I saw the puncture) Isaac with a pencil. I asked her at what point this would be taken seriously, all she could tell me was that they are handling it. The conversation ended with her saying that we would continue encouraging Isaac and that he had done so well until the last couple of days, he hadn't had any bumps in the road until now. After I got off the phone I cried. I felt like she was shifting the blame on Isaac once again.<br /><br />After Isaac got into the car we talked about what happened at recess. I was upset that he refused to "park it" as the teacher had told him to do. I began talking to him about not disrespecting an adult and listening when he was told to do something. He said "I didn't refuse to do anything, Ms. Crooks said I did, but I didn't." So here I go doubting him again, I asked him if he was sure and he said he was. Calling the teacher who dealt with it was what I decided to do. I called Mrs. Fox and told her who I was and asked her if she could tell me what happened. She did say that she didn't see what transpired prior to Isaac throwing the ball, but she said she headed over to him and did yell to get his attention. When she told him that what he did was not okay, he became defensive and raised his voice saying that he didn't do anything. I knew exactly what she was talking about, I have seen him do that before and it is NOT OK. So I asked her, about him refusing to park it when she asked him to but she said he never did because she had never asked him to park it. Since he was so upset she thought he needed more than a time-out. That is when she sent him to the principals office. <br /><br />I just broke down because I was so upset, I explained that Ms. Crooks had told me that he refused what Mrs. Fox told him to do. She said maybe Ms. Crooks misunderstood her, which I don't think is the case. Ms. Crooks is always trying to twist situations Isaac is in. Not to say that him raising his voice at the teacher wasn't a bad thing, it was and it has been addressed. Yelling at an adult is unacceptable no matter how upset he is. She could have just gone with the truth and I would have dealt with it just the same. I asked if she could put what she told me in an email and she offered to sit down with me and Ms. Crooks and talk about it, but I am done with it and I don't want to talk to her. I told her I would rather change schools than deal with Ms. Crooks anymore. She was very nice about it, she said that they don't want parents to feel frustrated the way I was and that they want us feeling that our kids are safe at school. Its too late for that. <br /><br />February 16, 2012<br /><br />After talking to the school board yesterday we made the decision to remove Isaac from that school. While Isaac and I were having breakfast I asked him if he had to write a statement yesterday and he said yes. When I asked him what he wrote he said "She told me to park it and I refused so I had to go to the office" I said "But you told me that didn't happen" He then said "Ms. Crooks said it did and told me I did and to write it down". He further clarified that when he told her what happened, she insisted that he refused the order to park-it, he told her what actually happened and she again said "you, refused. Write that down on your statement." She is unreal, I hate this woman for what she has been doing to my son. She thought that she could get him to write what she told him and I would look at his statement and think he had lied to me. Bet she didn't expect me to talk to that teacher who revealed the truth about the situation. I told Isaac for future reference that if ANYBODY at all ever tells him to write something that isn't true that he can tell them he will not write something that isn't true because that is not what happened.<br /><br />It makes me sad that someone who is in such a position of authority over our children would abuse it the way she has. I know it happens all the time, but with the people that work with our kids we expect more than this.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-55358541933907324862012-01-06T16:35:00.000-08:002012-01-06T21:00:02.133-08:00Now I am Mad...As I am standing in line at the bank I get a phone call from Isaac's principal, which is never good. I tell her I will call her back when I get out of the bank. When I call back she informs me that Isaac was involved in an incident today with another student. She tells me that Isaac and some other kids were playing a "tripping tag" game and one of the boys tripped him and he got angry and tackled the boy (Ben) to the ground and then kicked him in the back. Isaac would be suspended for Monday. Typically Isaac doesn't do this type of thing unprovoked, but I am still upset that he reacted this way. Afterall he was playing "tripping tag", what did he expect? We have been teaching him to walk away when someone does something that makes him mad, looks like that failed.<br /><br />When he gets out of school I express my disappointment with him. I always question him and get him to tell me the sequence of events that lead up to the incident. He tells me that he tackled Ben because Ben and two other boys were tackling him trying to take him to the ground. I figured he was not telling me the truth since this is not what the principal told me he said. After a few minutes I say to him "I don't understand why you would tackle a boy because he tripped you, you were playing a game where you trip each other." He says "Nobody tripped me." And we go back and forth for awhile about what the principal says he said and his account of what happened. He was adamant that he was not tripped and that these other boys tackled him and he tackled Ben because of that. <br /><br />I decided to call the principal back. Talking to her I clarify something that the paper she sent home says and then mentioned that Isaac had told me the other boys had tackled him. She says that the others boys gave the same account of the story and she repeats to me that Ben tripped him and that is why Isaac tackled Ben. Frustrated with Isaac and disappointed I say that Isaac must be lying to me. After further discussion and making threats to Isaac (that I fully intended to keep if he was in fact lying) to try to get him to just admit the truth, I remember that anytime anything like this happens the kids have to fill out an incident report in their own words and then the principal recaps at the bottom what the student says. <br /><br /><br />I call her back once more and say that he is adamant that no one tripped him and asked if I could get the paper that he wrote and she says sure she will make me a copy. Heading toward the school I remind him that I will see what he wrote and that lying to me will get him in more trouble, he doesn't change his story. I am thinking that the kid just doesn't give a crap. The principal is saying he was tripped and reacted based on that and Isaac swears that the other boys were tackling him and that is why he tackled Ben. At this point I am fully expecting to see Isaac's words stating he was tripped and got angry and he just didn't want to admit it. <br /><br />I realize the gas tank is almost on empty so I stop to get gas and ask the hubby to pick up the paper. We pulled up in the driveway at the same time and lets just say that it is a VERY good thing he was the one to pick up that paper. As I stated before, this paper is a written account of what he says happened and her account of what he said to her. I was floored when nowhere did I read (because it did NOT state) that anyone had tripped Isaac, not in his words or hers. Not only did she lie to me (about him being tripped and retaliating for that) she did not acknowledge that what Isaac told me about the other boys tackling him was also what he had written in his account of the incident. She was specific that all the boys had the same story which was that Isaac got mad after being tripped. Sadly she had no idea just how persistent I would be.<br /><br />This is not the first time Isaac has defended himself and has gotten into trouble without much happening to the other students. While I wish he would figure out a better way to handle himself, I don't want him to let other people hurt him and he not be able to protect himself. The last time was very concerning to me. Isaac had teased another little boy about liking a girl (typical third grade behavior) and the boy shoved him, smashed his face into the ground and then shoved grass in Isaac's mouth. That was beyond just hitting someone for teasing. After school the boy kneed him in the thigh and told him that's what he gets. Isaac went into the office asking for ice and his brother explained to the office attendant what had happened. The next day I called into the office to let the principal know what happened and it turns out Isaac was in there for retaliating against that boy. <br /><br />When I got the notice home it stated that Isaac was bullying the kid, which knowing the facts I will have to argue that was not what he was doing. Now I will never fault my kids for defending themselves, but there was no imminent danger to Isaac at the time of his retaliation so for that he did get into trouble. My frustration at this point is the principal's handling of these situations and the fact that she lied to me about what really happened (which is confirmed by the statement of incident report). I just can't understand why she would make it out to seem that Isaac was the instigator when it is clear by her statement and his that he was not. <br /><br />I did call the school district who will be investigating this incident and looking into making sure that there were consequences given to the other students as well as the discrepency in her account of the incident vs what is on the paper. There is no doubt that she lied to me, but I just don't understand why! She knows that he has been struggling in school and that he has referred to himself as "bad", why would she try and make it worse for him? I am just beyond frustrated!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-80256867744455406512011-12-30T21:07:00.000-08:002011-12-31T00:26:42.142-08:00One Thing Leads to AnotherMy self-diagnosed ADD strikes again!!! Tonight I was very easily distracted, thankfully I am not ALWAYS this easily distracted.<br /><br />I opened my laptop tonight with the intention of starting my Powerpoint presentation that is due on Wednesday, 5 whole days away! Considering my work habits for papers and presentations (last minute) I am ahead of schedule...or so I thought. Any given day I can start one thing, which will lead me to another thing, that leads me to another thing (and on, and on, and on, you get the point) until what I had originally set out to do gets pushed to the back of my mind. Which brings me to this entry tonight. <br /><br /><strong>Series of Distractions:</strong><br />As I open up my laptop, Eric asks me to text him to make sure his new phone is working. I open up my phone and send him a text and I realize that I have so many conversations that should be deleted. As I am deleting conversations I remember that I need to send a couple texts, so I do. As I am texting, I receive a text back from Eric, letting me know that it works. I then realize I don't have a picture for his icon, which is weird because I had chosen the "sync to facebook" option when I got my new phone. Hmmm thats strange, oh well. <br /><br />Eric is so stoked about his new phone, so he shows it to me, pointing out his awesome new durable case and how it protects the phone. As he passes the phone to me so I can feel the rubbery awesomeness that is his case, I accidentally hit his photo gallery icon which prompts a box to come up that says "Add social network". I then say outloud "I saw that box on my phone too. I bet if I choose this option it will download my pictures from Facebook and I could use my profile picture of us as your icon." He doesn't respond since he is used to me "thinking outloud". I proceed to hit the box and what do you know, there are all my photo albums from Facebook, sweet!!! So I go to my profile pictures and choose the picture I want as his icon only to find out that it does not give me the option to save it as a contact icon. Oh well, I will figure it out later, I have to get to that Powerpoint. <br /><br />LIGHTBULB!! At this very moment, as I am typing this, I am fighting the urge to go to my phone and click on Eric's contact info and then choose the picture from my FB album, that has to be the way. Who was I kidding? As you can probably guess, I couldn't resist, I just grabbed my phone to see if that was what I needed to do. To my surprise all my FB friends who are contacts in my phone now have photo icons next to their names :) <br /><br />Back from my distraction, to focus on the original series of distractions that has prevented me from beginning my Powerpoint.<br /><br />Anyway, where was I? Thats right, I was talking about pictures. At this point pictures are on my mind, and I see my camera bag out of the corner of my eye. Remembering that I have pictures from the snow and Christmas Eve that need to be downloaded, I ask Eric to grab the SD card out of the bag so I can download them. After the pictures downloaded, I briefly looked through them giggling about the memories from Christmas Eve. I see a picture of my niece, Breanna, and remember I need to ask her a question, so I text her. I then close the picture folder which opens up my picture library. I see quite a few pictures that were from my last Powerpoint presentation that I no longer need that can be deleted, so I delete them (darn it, I still need to start my Powerpoint). Then I notice a folder that I was unsure of what its contents were, and I MUST know, so I open it. <br /><br />The pictures that the folder contained were from Thanksgiving 2010 and Christmas 2010. As I looked through the pictures, I realized how much has changed since last year. The appearances of all the kids in the family are drastically different. Their faces are so much more mature, some have shorter hair, some have longer hair, some have gotten a little chubbier and some have thinned out. It just made me realize how change is not always as noticeable when it happens gradually.<br /><br />As 2011 comes to an end, I am counting my blessings. I am thankful for a healthy family, great friends, and minimal personal struggles throughout the year. Today as I was counting my blessings, my thoughts went to those who have struggled throughout the year and continue to struggle. It is hard to watch people you care about struggle, regardless of whether the struggles are cirsumstances beyond their control, or circumstances of choice. <br /><br />Just a few of the things that I am looking forward to in 2012: finishing school, getting back into the work force, and possibly doing a sibling project for my IFs. My last class is scheduled for either July or August and as fast as time is flying by, my graduation will be here before I know it. On the first night of each class we do introductions that consist of our name, degree program, our job and what we plan on doing with our degree. My answer to what I will do with my degree has remained the same "I have not yet decided". I have always been fascinated by death, which according to my mother started at an early age. Once upon a time I thought I wanted to be a medical examiner, then realized it was the criminal aspect of homicide that intrigued me, not the medical aspect (although that is fascinating too). I would love to be a homicide detective.<br /><br />Knowing that I will be looking for a job soon, there is so much going through my head! OMG, I NEED to figure out what I want to do!! Probation? Parole? Sheriff's Deputy? Police Officer? Private investigation? AHHHHH!!! Will I be able to secure a job in law enforcement right away or will I have to find something else until a job is available? If I find a job in law enforcement, will I be able to do a sibling project? There is just so much uncertainty, but I KNOW it will all work out the way it is supposed to. And by this I do not mean that I will LET things happen, I will MAKE things happen. <br /><br />RECAP:<br />I am very easily distracted and still have not started my Powerpoint.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-80055949873269611902011-11-26T19:23:00.000-08:002011-11-26T20:35:33.590-08:00Wonderful Time Spent With FamilyThis year for Thanksgiving we got to spend the day with both sides of the family. Tuesday night I started on the pies. This year I had a couple new recipes that I wanted to try so I HAD to make test pies, and they turned out great. Wednesday is when the real baking and prepping started. Before I knew it 8 hours had passed and 4pies had been baked, cranberry sauce made, cooled and then chilled. Another new recipe I tried was Roasted Asparagus with Feta Cheese, so I did a trial run on Wednesday as well. I made some garlic artichoke hummus for pre-meal snacking. Wednesday was a very busy day!!<br /><br />With the sounding of my alarm at 3:30 am the turkey was put into the oven (with the help of my husband of course), and Thanksgiving day had begun. Let me tell you, I love oven bags for turkey. There is nothing like being able to put the turkey in the oven and going back to sleep knowing that I don't have to baste the turkey and it will STILL be moist. Once the yams and asparagus were finished we headed to Trent and Jessica's where she had prepared the rest of the meal. She did an absolutely amazing job and this was her first time making a Thanksgiving dinner and turkey. It really does not surprise me though, Jessica is a pretty amazing girl who has become such a great friend. It was great hanging with the cousins and grandma. <br /><br />Next we were off to the other side of the family. It was so much fun hanging with the family, talking, laughing and watching Cody bust his moves...the boy can get down!! As ornery as that little guy can be sometimes, he sure can make us smile. I love to see my family happy, especially the ones that are working through struggles. Tough times are what strengthen us as individuals and sometimes we just need to experience them to put things into perspective. <br /><br />Although family time was awesome, Black Friday (or shall I say Thursday?) was a bust. Usually I am a die hard Black Friday participant, but this year opening the doors as early as some of the stores did was such a disappointment to me. Despite Walmart's claims of "there will be no lines since we are opening at 10pm" there was indeed a line that went from the front of the store out to the street half way to Costco. Figuring we would get inside and everything would be gone, we moved on to the next store which proved to be equally as disappointing. Eric and I decided we would go home. We went to Walmart at 8:30am on Friday and still got all the stuff we wanted. We hit Target, TJ Maxx, Sears, Walmart (another location), Victoria's Secret, and Best Buy. Our Christmas shopping is almost done...yay!! Tonight we will catch up on our sleep :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-70866376024457530082011-11-01T13:46:00.000-07:002011-11-15T14:51:18.787-08:00Let the Month of Thanks Continue!Initially this was supposed to be my blog entry to kick off November, the month of thanks. Too bad that crazy thing called life got in the way. So, I deleted my saved document and started all over today, November 15th. Each day I have been thinking of how lucky I am and about the great life that I am blessed with. I was fortunate to have something I was grateful for each day.<br /><br />When I was younger, I thought I had it all planned out. I thought I knew exactly how my life was supposed to be. HA, I had no idea!!! This month I have thought about all the blessings in my life and how they have changed me as a person. I have amazing family and friends, and my three sons are pretty awesome too. <br /><br />In my family I have people that I can talk straight to and get honest feedback from, they are always there to lend a hand to help, an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. Throughout the years my family has had their struggles with many things including, drugs, and alcohol. Even with all the struggles, my family has some of the biggest hearts I have ever seen. I love each one of them for who they are and what they bring to our family!!<br /><br />They say that true friends are hard to come by, and I have found this to be true. I have fewer than a handful of people that I consider true friends, they also happen to be really great people! Something special about my family and friends is that we don't always see eye to eye on issues, yet we continue to love and respect one another. We don't talk everyday, or visit with each other on a regular basis, but we are still there to celebrate the good times, laugh about the silly things our kids do, and be there when we are needed. This is what true friendship is and I am so grateful to have the family and friends in my life to share it with.<br /><br />My boys, well...they are pretty amazing! Each one of them is unique. These boys are constantly making me smile and laugh. And I find that sometimes it is so hard to discipline them when all I want to do is laugh!! When I was young I envisioned myself being a mommy to little girls: dressing them up, doing their hair, playing dolls with them and having tea parties. Turns out that it just wasn't meant to be, and I am MORE than ok with that now. <br /><br />Each time I was convinced that I was having a girl, I think because I wanted it so bad. When I was pregnant with Isaac, I was REALLY sure he was a girl. The day that I was due to have my ultrasound, I stopped by my cousins house to chat. It was then that she told me her cousin had passed away from an overdose, he left two little boys behind. At that moment I decided that I no longer cared what the gender of my baby was, I was just glad that he was healthy. All along God knew exactly what I could handle...I am so glad that God doesn't just give us what we want and pray for, he gives us what is best for us. God did however bless me with three neices that I could play barbies with...I mean have tea parties with and do their hair. It is fun every once in awhile, but dang to have to do that daily, umm, no thanks! Doing my hair and make-up alone is enough of a task! <br /><br />Andrew is a smart kid, he is witty, such a momma's boy and overall just a good kid, soon to be adult. He has such a great heart, and is so much fun to be around. It is so funny to watch him say the things to his brothers that I have said to him his whole life, it is like he has those "ah-ha, this is what mom meant" moments. It took me so long to get there, I was so stubborn. He is not the typical teenager who gets into trouble. He doesn't befriend a certain "type" of person, they don't all dress the same, very much different in fact. I love that he trusts me enough to come to me with the happenings in his life and for advice or just to talk. He is a lot like me when I was younger as far as learning goes, he struggled with mainstream learning but is rocking it at Charter! I am so proud of the effort he has made to graduate school, he is on track to graduate early. He loves music, he and his friends can be found at Guitar Center often trying out new equipment and playing the guitar and drums. <br /><br />Eric is also a smart boy, and has no problem with learning. I knew he was smart but was blown away at his school conferences. His scores on the MAPS testing were at a 10th grade level, and he was receiveing A's, a B+ and an F. He quickly found out through that F that NOT turning in a project could be detrimental to his grade. He really enjoys science, sports and video games. He is still such a cuddly and lovey boy at 11 years old. He is playing the drums in band this year so we went to a music store to get his book. There, I found a book for beginning singing that came with a CD. As we were listening to the CD, I realized he has an ear for music and understands it. Me...not so much. He has come such a long way behavior wise. As annoying as he finds his little brother, he has great restraint when Isaac does something like punch him in the face. That is definately something we are working on!! This year marked Eric's 5th year in tackle football. He has become such an excellent player and has much heart when it comes to playing the game. <br /><br />Isaac is my baby boy. He is silly, smart, artistic and a super sensitive kid. This year he finally found the joy in reading, YAY!!! It had been a struggle up until this year. Like his big brothers, Isaac also has an interest in science. He loves to go to Lakeshore Learning to see the types of science kits that they have. He once used an entire box of baking soda and 3/4 of a bottle of vinegar (the one from costco...the REALLY big one) on the front sidewalk to make a volcano. He is very artistic, loves to draw, color, paint and he is constantly creating things out of stuff he finds around the house. It is always interesting to see what he comes up with. This boy of mine cracks me up with some of the things he does. I went through some stuff to donate: purses, shoes, scarves, and clothes, and he goes into the garage and puts some of this stuff on, strutting like a model on a runway. Here he is in some pink heals, a scarf to match and just his shorts! After he realized I found this funny, he continued his runway session with other equally fashionable ensembles. He loves to make people laugh. He loves to ride his bike and do tricks and is working on learning to ride a skateboard. The skateboard wasn't as easy for him as the bike. When he was 4 he took off his training wheels (yep, he did it himself) and jumped on the bike and started riding it. He is always finding new ways to amaze us.<br /><br />My kids are pretty amazing. No matter what my kids do, say, or how they behave the love I have for them will never, ever change. Isaac asks me (a lot) "Will you love me even if I do something bad?" I tell him "Of course I will", then he says "Something really, really bad?". Then I say "I wouldn't like what you did, but would still love you." Unconditional love, they know that no matter what mistakes are made my love will always remain unchanged. Although I have to say that this repeated question of "really, really bad?" has got me a little nervous, lol. He assures me that he has no evil schemes up his sleeve.<br /><br />I am going to close this out with giving thanks to my best friend, my husband. There is so much about Eric that I am thankful for. Most importantly he is a great husband and father, there is nothing that he would not do for us. He is adventurous and keeps us on our toes. He has been so involved in raising our boys, he taught all three of them how to tie their shoes, and he helps with every aspect of the care of our boys and our home. Sometimes I am amazed at how much he does and is willing to do for us. There are days that I have been so busy with school work or running around that I didn't quite get to everything. I forget to take something out for dinner sometimes or don't get to the latest disaster that the kids have made, and he NEVER complains. He understands that I don't always have enough time or that I get so wrapped up in my school work that I forget things like, oh taking out dinner...oopsie! <br /><br />He has supported everything that I have wanted to do like going into the Army, surrogacy and going back to school. While I was away for those 8 months of training, he made sure our boys were taken care of, he acted as both mom and dad. I know how hard it is to have to be both parents, and he did it and did it well. <br /><br />When I came to him with my idea of wanting to become a surrogate, he was unfamiliar with it but supported me. Surrogacy is one of the things that has made a big impact on our lives, it wasn't just me, he too was a huge part of both journies. He drove me to my transfers, gave me injections, sat with me through the sad and scary times of my journies and has just gone above and beyond to help and support me through everything. Now that I am going to school, same thing. He has been so supportive and I don't think I could have done it without him. I am so happy that we are where we are today, and I wouldn't change a thing about our life together!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-82339414584194009422011-09-27T10:26:00.001-07:002011-10-09T15:56:47.106-07:00Perfectly ImperfectClass is going good, last week things got heated up. Whenever we are dealing with race and cultural differences emotions can take over. For once it wasn't me though, lol. I do think people hold on to the past too tightly, how long after our ancestors have been gone must we still pay for their mistakes? 600 years? 6,000 years? What about who we are now and what we have done since? And what would the future be like if we could just let go of the past and open our minds to work together? I live in my own little world...I know. <br /><br />Interesting how one realization can lead to the decision making process of a completely different situation. The past...I do hold on to certain things. I am stubborn, I may rush to judgment at times, I will speak my mind and not just what someone wants to hear. But on the flip side, I am always open to hearing the other side and truly like to see the other point of view. Over the years I have really been working on not jumping to conclusions based on what I see. Each mistake I have made has had some lesson to be learned no matter how small the lesson was. <br /><br />I am hard on myself when I make a mistake or hurt someone's feelings. When I realize it, it isn't easy letting go even if it was unintentional. Looking at things from every angle before making a decision is something that I am constantly working on. In the grocery store, strolling along with my groceries (kid free, this is my quiet time) there is that mom with her kids, she has lost all patience and is frustrated. So often I think to myself "Oh my, she is mean!" Then I think back on my own situation the week prior, everything went wrong that day. I had to run to the store to get that last minute dinner ingredient, dad wasn't home so the kids had to go with me. They had been fighting since they got home from school and that didn't change just because we were headed to the store. They fight all the way to the store, despite my pleas for them to stop. At this point I feel like pulling my hair out, I raise my voice and I give "the look" and miraculously there is silence. Those are the moments that make me feel so bad, wishing I had handled it with more grace and patience.<br /><br />It is after my moment of reflection on myself that I am able to look at the mom and give her a sympathetic smile, a small gesture to remind her that she is not alone and some of us do understand how she is feeling. It isn't always easy, we can't always be patient, and perfection is not a reality. Even the person who looks perfect on the outside has their flaws. We are not a flawless species, from our flaws we learn not only how to be better people but how to understand others.<br /><br />When I was 16 going on 30 I knew all the answers (just ask my mom), my way was THE way and no one could tell me different. It didn't occur to me that I was being close minded...I was. As a person I am continuously growing and changing and it isn't always easy to see that I may be wrong.<br /><br />Why is it that my mom is always right? Yesterday she didn't tell me what I wanted to hear and for that, I am grateful. It gave me a reason to look at the situation and make a decision that wasn't based purely on emotion. I mentioned I was stubborn right? Well, when it comes to my kids it is magnified by 100! When I think of my perfectly imperfect life I realize that every good and bad thing that has happened to me throughout my childhood and adulthood has shaped me into the person I am today. <br /><br />My point is that I cannot protect my kids from everything, I need to step back and let them see and experience things for themselves (within reason). When it comes to these three boys of mine I can turn into an angry mama bear that would do anything to protect her little cubs, they are my world and I cannot imagine life without them. <br /><br />I believe that people can change, I know that I have. It is still hard to let my guard down when it comes to some people. Today I am grateful for my ability to be able to look at myself and pick apart my flaws and change what needs to be changed a little at a time. Afterall...I am perfectly imperfect.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-47110141458101060072011-09-15T19:44:00.000-07:002011-09-27T10:25:45.968-07:00Last night was the start of my new class, Cultural Diversity Issues in Criminal Justice. The instructor for this coure is a hoot!! He has a great sense of humor and has a lot of experience to share. I love that the instructors for these classes always have stories to share. My first impression was that he seemed rather uptight, before class started he stood at the podium and didn't say anything. He had this serious look on his face, and I was sure that he was going to be this uptight, no nonsense kind of instructor. First impressions can be VERY deceiving!<br /><br />So often we go through life, making assumptions from the limited information that we are given about people and situations. We can be so quick to judge or assume based on what we perceive something to be, versus what it really is.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-50885204204757464912011-07-31T11:28:00.000-07:002011-07-31T12:58:01.196-07:00Wasted...1993-1998<br />Five years of my life I will never get back or have a chance to do over. I graduated high school in June of 1993, one month after I met him. Looking back on it there were many warning signs of the abuse to come, but I had no idea. I spent quite a bit of those years in my own private hell. Always making it look a little better than it really was. My self-esteem had hit an all time low and maybe he was right...nobody else would love me like he did. Looking back on it he was right, I was better than that and no other man would treat me that way. I deserved better.<br /><br />There was a point in time within those five years that I didn't understand how my family could turn their back on me...I get it now. It hurts too much to watch someone you love make a choice to be taken advantage of and abused, knowing it will just end in heartache and physical pain. I thought marrying him was the answer, you know it would make everything all better and then my family would have to accept him...right? Nope, my sister didn't even want to be a part of my wedding...I totally understand now, Tina, and I know it was not easy for you to do, I love you! To tell you the truth, on the drive up to our wedding chapel I kept fighting off the urge to turn around and drive back home because I had changed my mind. Deep down I knew it wasn't the answer to all my problems, but again I didn't listen. The marriage only lasted a year and a half, most of the time was spent living apart.<br /><br />I wont go into the details of it all, but I finally wised up. <br /><br />I can hardly express how it actually felt when I realized I was DONE! It was something I had never knew before and man did it feel good. I could get dressed up nicely and put make-up on without being a whore...something I could never do before without accusations of infidelity flying my way. I was finally free!! It didn't matter that me and my son had to live at my grandmother's house, we were safe and loved by our family.<br /><br />It still baffles me how much time me and the mother of his other children spent fighting over him. He was no prize, that is for sure. The only thing I can chalk it up to was how young we both were; she was pregnant at 15 and me at 17. By our bad choice in men, we were brought together as friends. We went to each others weddings, we spend the kids birthdays together and even a country concert here and there. She is one of the strongest women I know and just a great friend to all!<br /><br /><br />Here are some of the signs of domestic abuse or domestic violence I received from helpguide.org:<br /><br />"Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.<br /><br />Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: <strong>to gain and maintain total control over you</strong>. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. <br /><br />Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well. <strong>The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether it’s coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult.</strong> You deserve to feel <em>valued, respected</em>, and <em>safe</em>."<br /><br />It has been almost 13 years and I have never looked back. It never could have worked...EVER. And I have no regrets. Thinking back on everything maybe I would have done things a little differently, maybe I would have gotten out sooner. From this craziness that was our relationship we have an amazing son...he is unlike any other teenager I know. He is funny, respectful (for the most part, I mean come on he is a mouthy teenager)he is loving, compassionate and his little brothers look up to him. Out of all the things wrong with our relationship, he was the one thing we did right.<br /><br />I wish the re-telling of my experience was enough to make a certain someone going through a similar situtaion aware of their own greatness and that they deserve more in life. You must find the strength to realize your own worth and how great you truly are, I believe in you!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-6071579084000094762011-06-08T10:28:00.000-07:002011-06-26T23:19:10.389-07:00DeclutteringNow that I have the energy to move around and gets things done, nothing in this house is safe! I am often inspired by articles that I read in some of my favorite magazines and today's inspiration comes from an issue of Women's Day. I used to keep magazines thinking I would go back to them to retreive the information that I felt would be helpful to me, but the truth is the magazines would just start piling up until I eventually threw them out. So, keeping it all here was a better solution to me. <br /><br />Now more than ever I feel the need to get rid of things that are not useful. Last year me and some of my other family members did a bit of an intervention on my grandma's home while she was away. Grandma is a hoarder, but it wasn't always like that. Knowing this, I am fearful of becoming like grandma someday. Anyway so here are some of the things I got from that article.<br /><br />Often we have an emotional attachment to things that are just not functional in our lives. There are five main reasons we don't toss things out: <br />1. "Someone special gave it to me"<br />For example: When I was 10 and my dad passed away my dad didn't have much to pass down, but what he did have we gratefully accepted as a reminder of him. <br />The collection of keys he had were one of those things I kept for years, but as I grew older I realized I couldn't keep them forever just because they belonged to him, so I finally parted with them. <br /><br />It is helpful to keep in mind that our loved one would have wanted us to keep the items that we would get use out of, not things that will sit around and collect dust or clutter up otherwise useful space.<br /><br />2. "It's irreplaceable"<br />As a mommy I have been given enormous amounts of priceless art from my little ones. Surely they are all special but there is just no room to keep everything. So I have begun to save the very special ones. <br /> <br />Something that can be done to save these precious pieces of art is to take digital images, that way you can always look back on them.<br /><br />3. "It reminds us of a specific time in our lives"<br />A great example here is my wedding dress. We are coming up on our tenth anniversary and I had held on to my wedding dress up until a couple months ago when I added it to the donation pile. I am the mom to three boys so there is just no reason to keep it. Now, had I had a daughter I may have kept it for her. Sometimes giving up things like this make us feel like we are losing a piece of ourselves.<br /> <br />In reality the object is not a part of us, it is just a piece of history, an object taking up space. The memory of that special time is what should be held onto, not the item. I can always look back on my wedding pictures to reflect on that special day.<br /><br />4. "We might need it"<br />This one is the hardest for me, you know because I MAY need it someday. What if I did get rid of that item that I needed to keep just in case and found myself needing it a year later? Easy, borrow it from a friend!! Putting it that way makes parting with those items much easier for me.<br /> <br />5. "But it's pretty"<br />Lets face it, we only have so much room for pretty little knickknacks and they aren't something that we exactly use. I am not sure about others but I know that too much clutter of anything sends me into a little bit of a panic, so that helps me to not collect too many knickknacks, this goes for holiday decorations as well. If you have noticed for the last three years that you have passed up certain decoration during Christmas, it is time to let go of those decorations. Other things that fit in this category could be clothing or anything really. Just be open minded when attempting to rid yourself of things you know you just don't need.<br /><br />It took quite some time for you to accumulate all these items, so it will take some time to declutter. Giving yourself one week per room should be an ample amount of time if you schedule two-four 2-hour time slots to work on it each week. Going through things can be an emotional time and you can put too much thought into it to the point of not being able to let go of anything. So try not to think about the things that you are going to get rid of, sometimes a friend being there for moral support can help you part with some of the items.<br /><br />The best thing to do is to build your own decluttering plan that will work for you. Perhaps a week by week table that will show what your plan of attack is. The first thing you will want to do is go for the obvious, you know that area of your house that makes you cringe when you walk into it. <br /><br />Once you have successfully decluttered, throw yourself a party to give away all those items that someone else may need. Happy decluttering!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-31794809854837192802011-06-02T19:59:00.000-07:002011-06-02T21:11:05.345-07:00Birth Story of a Proud Surrogate MotherAs I have said this pregnancy flew by so fast. June 1st I went into the hospital at around 9:30 am. The doctor came in to see where I was at as far as dilation goes, depressingly I was at 1cm long and high. So the decision was to give my cytotec to soften the cervix and hopefully get some contractions going on. They said I may need two doses before anything happened and the doses would be 4 hours apart. Within an hour of the first dose the contractions began and they were about 2 mins apart. <br /><br />By 2 o'clock I had only progressed to 2cm. That was a bit depressing and I was beginning to think that little miss Shia's birthday would end up being June 2nd. There was lots going on in our room to help pass the time. Through watching some funny breast pump videos I found that laughter eased the pain of the contractions. There were quite a few people in there to keep me entertained. There was my husband, my mom, my cousin Tati came by for a brief visit but didn't stay for the birth, my sister, Mike and Rudy (AKA the daddies)Sara- she was documenting the whole day, Darcy- Mike's mom and Gina- Rudy's sister. The hospital was very great about everyone being there which was not originally the plan, there was only going to be a total of 5 people. <br /><br />As dinner time rolled around there wasn't much of a change in my cervix, so almost everyone headed out for sushi. That was around the shift change of the nurses. MJ was our first nurse and Cheryl was our second. Right at the end of MJ's shift the contractions seemed to slow a bit. It wasn't until Cheryl took over that the contractions began to pick up and my water bag began to trickle. <br /><br />It was about that time that I opted for the epidural, the contractions were so strong and at one point one of them lasted for 3 minutes then there was a less than 30 second time period that it started to taper off only to go right back up again for another 2 minutes. That was probably the worst pain I have ever felt during labor. I had my sister call my husband and let them know not to come in until I had the epidural and that I was still only at 2cm so there was no rush. My pain level was so intense I did not want anyone to see me like that. At this time in the room with me was my sister. The anesthesiologist seemed to take forever and of course I really couldn't get a break between contractions during my wait. Right in the middle of all this intense pain my mom came back from tending to my kids. I really felt bad for them to see me in that much pain. At one point the nurse had me sitting up and I felt this hard thump, it was the baby's head dropping. Cheryl checked me and there wasn't much of a change except for the baby's head had decended further into the birth canal. <br /><br />After the anesthesiologist got there it was still quite some time before I felt any kind of relief from the epidural. My doctor came in right after the anesthesiologist and checked me. He looked back at my sister and told her that she better call them that I was at 7cm. He also said that they better run. I was so surprised that I had dilated so much within minutes! At the same time I was glad that we were almost there because the epidural wasn't completely working just yet. Within 10 minutes she was born. She came into this world at 8:29 on Wednesday June 1, 2011 weighing 6lbs 5oz. After she was all cleaned up from her bath I nursed her and she nursed like a champ! She is such a little angelic looking baby girl I could hold her and stare at her for hours. <br /><br />It was such an amazing experience and I feel so blessed with our entire surrogacy journey together. Mike and Rudy have been amazing the whole way through as well as their families. Getting to see them interact as a family and the love they all have for one another assures me of all the love this little girl will have throughout her lifetime. <br /><br />I have been blessed with two wonderful journies and had the pleasure of blessing two sets of parents with their dreams of having a baby. There is just no greater feeling than that.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-16069290599328371592011-04-30T19:43:00.000-07:002011-04-30T20:03:28.471-07:00Counting down the weeksI just cannot believe how quickly this pregnancy is flying by. We are down to less than 6 weeks. Just this past Tuesday we went to court and did the pre-birth order to ensure that Mike and Rudy get put on the birth certificate. My last surrogacy we didn't go to the court hearing, just the lawyers went. So being a part of this one was pretty special. They have done an awesome job on her room and the only thing that they are missing is a baby! <br /><br />Spring break has come and gone. The first week pretty much sucked! The weather was gloomy and I was so stinkin' sick. Nearly two weeks later and I am still fighting off this cough, but it has improved quite a bit. I still have a few more days of antibiotics and I am hoping to be back to normal. This week the weather was perfect, me and the boys spent time in the sun and playing in the water. Yesterday we went to the Carlsbad Strawberry Company to pick our own strawberries. They have the BEST strawberries ever. <br /><br />Tonight the boys are spending the night with their cousins so it will just be me and the hubby. He is currently headed back home with a movie for us to watch so I am off!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-48398029889916556282011-04-16T11:47:00.000-07:002011-04-16T14:23:45.711-07:00Busy BeesOur last two weeks have been super busy! Last Friday we went on a weekend trip to Disneyland, three nights in a hotel and 2 days at Disneyland and California Adventure. I have been feeling really great during this pregnancy so I figured it would be no big deal, boy was I wrong. By the first night my feet and knees were killing me!! A nice soak in hot water and a good nights sleep had me ready to go for our next day at California Adventure. That was our first visit to that park. It looked like a lot of fun, I couldn't ride most of those rides. Isaac and I spent a lot of time in Bug's Land. He is not a fan of roller coasters, although he did go on Pirates of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones and Haunted Mansion. He screamed so loud when the lights in the Haunted Mansion elevator went out and the thunder clashed. I felt like mom of the year right there! He was stuck like glue to me the rest of the way through the ride. <br /><br />The kids were so well behaved those days that we were vacationing, it was awesome! The first night for dinner we headed over to Joe's Crab Shack. That was the most tasty crab I have ever had and the kids meals had a variety of food and a good price. The atmosphere was fun and the staff was friendly. That is definately our new go to place for seafood. While planning our vacation I made a mistake thinking their vacation was a week earlier than it was, so Monday the boys did miss school. Thankfully their testing didn't resume until Tuesday. <br /><br />Isaac woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat and fever and you could see it in his eyes that he was not feeling good, so he had a rather short week at school. He was feeling better last night so we went to the drive-in movies, it was either sit on the couch and watch a movie that we have already seen or sit in the car and watch Rio and Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2. So we picked up some Panda Express and headed to Santee. Isaac is feeling way better than yesterday, so I am a happy momma. <br /><br />It's quiet in the house right now, Andrew is with his dad and the two Erics are fishing. Just me and Isaac are here at the house, he is playing a video game and here I sit catching up on my blog and watching Couples Retreat. I have decided to start adding some new stuff to my blog, instead of only writing about what goes on in my life I am also going to add some tips that I get from magazines. This is a great way to pass on useful info and for me to not have to remember where I read things. <br /><br />In the mail I just received a letter from the middle school welcoming my middle son. Oh my goodness!! I can't believe he is moving on to middle school. It seems as though time goes by so quickly when you are an adult, but as a child you cannot grow up fast enough. I remember wanting to grow up to become an adult, so badly wanting that independence. Not truly knowing what being an adult involved. We never see situations for what they really are, we always see the greener grass side of things. <br /><br />Things are going great in my pregnancy, we just hit 32 weeks. I have an appointment on Monday with the OB and I think he will schedule me to begin my weekly non-stress tests. We also have the perinatologist appointment on May 3rd where she will do the final growth scan on little Shia. Her daddies are getting more excited each day as they await her arrival. They just finished her fairy themed room. They did such an amazing job on it. She has so many people who are waiting for her arrival and ready to give her all the love every baby deserves. I can't wait to watch this couple turn into a family!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-51716206049492595392011-02-07T19:54:00.000-08:002011-02-07T20:53:19.774-08:00Things couldn't be going better right now! Yesterday we had a Super Bowl Party with some friends and family. We love hosting parties and bringing everyone together. I had cousins from each side of the family over at the same time for the first time in my adult life. During the last year we finally reunited with my dad's side of the family. This time we are keeping in contact and doing things together and I am loving it! Just a couple weeks ago we went to see my cousin's band play, they were down from San Francisco for a few shows. Even grandma came out for that one. <br /><br />I love how easy facebook makes communicating with friends and family. And I love that the communication can happen at any time of the day. Now there is no reason for us to lose contact ever again. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful family.<br /><br />My life just got a little busier, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I have decided to go full force with my Mary Kay business. I have been in business since August of 2008 and have just been doing little orders for customers here and there and now I have found myself wanting more! The foundation of the Mary Kay Company was built on faith first, family second and career third. I cannot tell you how many times that I had to call out to work because one of my kids was sick and the guilt trip the boss would lay on me...ugh it made me feel like crap, like I had to choose. I don't miss that at all! I feel so blessed for the Post 911 GI bill which pays my housing allowance while I am attending school, without it I would still have been stuck at that same old job. Now I can focus on school without the stress of that job over my head.<br /><br />Speaking of school tomorrow night marks week 4/5 of my final math class, woooohooooo!!! Algebra has been a little like torture for me, at one point I cried from the frustration. It is getting a little more tolerable as I have had some help from a very accomodating classmate, thank you Justin!! <br /><br />This pregnancy is going good. I have made two trips to L&D already. It seems that some things are happening earlier in this pregnancy than my last. The braxton hicks started last week, and from what I remember they hadn't started until I was over 30 weeks in my previous pregnancies. And then of course the lovely leaking fluid. But when it all comes down to it I would much rather be told that I am peeing on myself than having a leaking bag of waters. For the first time it was actually explained to me why it happens. The nurse said that the amount of progesterone that is produced during pregnancy tends to relax the muscles in the urinary system resulting in the leaky urine. Both trips ended up good, I couldn't ask for more. I have always been one to err on the side of caution. So those two things are out of the way and she moves like crazy so I have not a thing to worry about.<br /><br />Mike, one of the baby's daddies has picked out the colors for the nursery and has gotten quite a few things for her room already. He has invited me to come take a look once it is all done, so exciting!!! <br /><br />The other day I was asked the question "How do you carry a baby for nine months and then hand it over to someone else?" I hadn't given it a whole lot of thought until the question was presented to me. First off, babies born to a gestational surrogate have no genetic link, secondly I have no desire to have any more children at this time in my life, and lastly I noticed that there is no attachment to the surrogate babies I have had in my belly. Don't get me wrong, each of them will always have a special place in my heart, but I think there is something about preparing for your own little one to be born versus getting excited watching someone else prepare for the little one you are carrying. Hopefully that made sense to someone other than me. <br /><br />In Saturday's mail I got pictures of my five year old surro son, Cole. As I was putting his pictures on the wall, I felt so proud that I had helped bring him into this world. I love to share his pictures with family and friends who come over, especially the ones that stood by my side as I went through that journey. They are almost just as excited as I am to watch him grow. <br /><br />Once little Miss Shia Leighton is born I will be starting a precious moments princess train for her and build on it each birthday. I had started one for Cole, but not a princess one, his is a precious moments animal train. It is my way of acknowledging his birth and I guess it is also my way for him remembering me. There are some people who don't like the idea of surrogacy and some who treat me as if I am the greastest woman on the planet. I try not to care too much about what others think of me either way, so in the end it all kinda balances out. I am just so glad that I have had this opportunity to be a part of making two couples dreams of having a family a reality.<br /><br />Well it is bedtime in the Alcala home and time for me to tuck my littles in bed.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-24827996948893476522011-01-10T21:25:00.001-08:002011-01-10T22:20:08.579-08:00In the Blogger Hall of Shame...I cannot believe that it has been more than 2 months since I have updated! Every now and then I tell myself that I will get better at this and update more frequently...FAIL.<br /><br />Lets see...the pregnancy is going great. On December 23rd we found out M&R are having a little girl. This is exciting on many levels. They wanted their first to be a girl and I wanted to experience carrying a girl. I have noticed a difference in how I have felt this pregnancy compared to my other four. I was sick for the first couple of months with her, I had NEVER been that sick with any of the boys. And so far (knock on wood)I have only gained about 8 pounds and I am almost half way there! The noticeable movement started at around 16 1/2 weeks and has increased significantly. I have only been able to feel her outside my belly twice. This is what I love so much about being pregnant<br /><br />This will most likely be my last pregnancy. It is bittersweet. Since my last OB retired I had been seeing his PA (until this pregnancy)and when I went for my yearly to get cleared for another pregnancy she cautioned that due to my age (I will be 35 when I deliver this baby) it would be best if this were my last pregnancy. After the age of 35 there are increased risks. I am finishing up my degree and want to start my career in criminal justice (still undecided what I want to do) so this was my plan anyway. This is M&R's first baby and they will be planning a sibling project in the future, it is a little sad to think that I won't be the one to help them complete their family. But on the other hand, who knows maybe I will.<br /><br />The boys are all doing well. Andrew is moving right along in his classes. He got equipment for his band for Christmas and we will be picking up another guitar for him tomorrow morning. He loves music, he writes songs and plays the guitar, drums and sings or shall I say screams. I have yet to hear him because he says he is embarrassed to do it in front of me, he thinks I will be critical of him. Someday I am sure I will get to hear him.<br /><br />Lil Eric and Isaac...well what can I say? They are always at each other's throats. It has been non-stop lately and is driving me batty!! Isaac wants so much for Eric to hug him and show him affection but Eric refuses. Then Isaac's feelings are hurt and he lashes out at him. Lil Eric has had a major attitude lately. He back talks like a teenager and for that he has been getting himself grounded from his favorite things. Perhaps one day he may want to play his video games again and will think before he opens up his mouth to be sassy. Drawing is one thing they have in common and can do well sitting next to each other without fighting. I just keep telling myself that one day they will get along.<br /><br />My husband just had a birthday and we had our first date night in what seems like months. We went to Old Town while my sister babysat the kids. It was very nice to have that one on one time. In February it will be 12 years since we have been together and the time has just flown by. We have had our ups and downs (not too much between us but with his family) and we are determined to not let them ruin what we have. As parents we have decided to raise our kids differently than we were raised, we were both raised completely different from one another. We take the good things and memories from our childhoods and pass it on to our kids the best that we can and try to leave the bad behind. <br /><br />Over the last couple years I feel that I have gotten bitter over certain situations and I HATE that. I am trying to accept that some things are beyond my control and I can't change the way people do things or treat other people no matter how I feel about it. It just stinks to be asked for my help over and over again for years and then when I make a decision to do something that I see as the only way to get results I am the bad guy. I will never understand some people and I will no longer try to. I am only in control of me and that is where my control ends. <br /><br />I haven't really made any definative New Year's resolutions but one of the things that I am working on is being more organized. IKEA was a great first stop for me. I scored on some storage containers and other items to help make getting organized possible. Now if I could just get the rest of the family on board. We were cleaning the boys room the other day and Isaac decided it would be best to just get rid of all of the toys, that way they can't make a mess anymore. It was hard for him to understand that it just doesn't work that way, there are some things you just have to try for. Their room is still a work in progress.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-28424068518872015542010-11-04T21:15:00.000-07:002010-11-04T21:51:03.782-07:00Things are coming along very wellSo I continue to struggle with this blogging thing, someday I will get to where I post at least once a week. Today marks our 9th week in this pregnancy. At 6 weeks 3 days I had a bleeding episode with some cramping, I knew the bleeding would happen eventually but I handled it much better than I thought I would. Because of the scary miscarriage I had before I decided to go to the ER.
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<br />The next day we were going to have our heartbeat ultrasound, but I got a little sneak peak. The baby was measuring right on and the heartbeat was strong. The nurse and doctor were pretty much terrible. I love the way doctor doom tells me "They were able to detect a heartbeat on the ultrasound, BUT, the bleed is around the baby. Most women with vaginal bleeding in the first trimester have a 33% chance of miscaarriage, but because the bleed is around the baby your risk is significantly higher". Why the heck would you say that to a pregnant lady dipstick?!?!?! He just so happened to be the same doctor that saw me in the ER when I bled out with the last miscarriage. He was the same then too. So when my survey of my visit came in the mail I told them just how I felt about what he said to me. I just don't see the point in telling anyone that whether it is a possibility or not. Ok that vent is over, much better.
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<br />This Monday I had my orientation with the new OB, Dr. Cizmar. It was actually with his nurse, but it went well. We discussed my nausea issues, testing and possible perinatal appointment because I will be 35 when I deliver. At this age the risk for gestational diabetes and high blood pressure increase so they just want to make sure I am in good health as the pregnancy progresses. At this appointment the nurse recommended that I take unisom at night for my nausea the next day. So far it has given me a couple hours of relief in the morning. This time around has been pretty intense, I have been feeling so blah!
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<br />The second trimester is 3 weeks away so I will hopefully find some relief then. My next appointment is on the 19th of this month and I am thinking that we will see that the bleed I had is completely gone!! On the 11th I will begin to decrease most of my meds and be done with them by the 18th. That will be a huge relief. The one injectable med that I will have to continue to take is heparin. It is my understanding that I had a clotting factor in my blood that would require me to take it. I will find out soon if it will be for the duration of my pregnancy.
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<br />All my boys are doing great. Andrew just turned 16!! We had so much fun with friends and family at his party. Football season is almost over for little Eric, we have two games left and then we are done. Isaac has been showing an interest in wanting to take karate, but I am not sure that he is ready for that yet. He is a little on the wild side and love to play jump kick at his brother. We will see.
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<br />Isaac told me today that there are 51 days left until Christmas. I have not started any shopping yet, that is unusual for me. July is usually when I start.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-83714260988064728292010-09-30T20:30:00.000-07:002010-09-30T21:02:36.097-07:00AnxiousOur transfer on September 18th went well. I tested for two days on hpts and got my first ever so faint positive line on Friday at 3pm, just 6 days after our transfer. This is the soonest I have got a positive hpt. It is so funny how as surrogates, we obsess over these things. And of course one test is just not enough, you must pee and then pee some more until the lines on the test get darker. Once they are good enough and you are thinking "OMG, I am really pregnant!" you must go get a digital so it can tell you itself. Nothing like the word "pregnant" to reassure you. <br /><br />Tomorrow is our beta, another thing to obsess over. It seems with IVF there are often chemical pregnancies, which I am not so sure exactly what they mean. The original beta doesn't properly double after a series of labs that are taken and it is determined the pregnancy is not viable. On the surrogacy board that I participate in, there seem to be quite a few of these going on. It is sad to see this happen to these ladies, they are all jazzed by the + hpt and then comes the low beta which prepares them for the bad news that it is not a viable pregnancy. <br /><br />Right now I am a little nervous, I am naturally a worry wart and keep thinking "What if my number is low?" At this point a low beta for me would be a very bad thing since I have been getting +hpt for a week now. But then again, I have been increasingly getting more nauseous which tells me it is going to be okay. Tomorrow is one of my IF's birthday, a great number would be the best present! <br /><br />Today we got a break in the weather, after 5 days of high heat I woke up to rain. At first I was a little confused at what the noise was, it almost sounded like our heater or a/c running. As I got closer to the bathroom I could hear what was clearly rain falling, coming from the open window. The thunder and lightning is always something I look forward to, I just love it!<br /><br />It is 8:55pm and the yawning has already begun. The past three days I have not been able to stay up past 9:30. It looks like it is about that time to turn on my new favorite show, Criminal Minds and fall asleep part way through it. Goodnight!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-34029184591440294312010-09-16T21:31:00.000-07:002010-09-16T22:21:09.996-07:00Time is Flying!Originally my transfer date was set for September 20th, it has now been moved to the 18th. On the 15th the doctor extracted 7 eggs from the donor, and only 4 of those were good quality. Out of those 4, the embryologist inseminated 3 of those eggs. It only takes one good embryo, but the amount of eggs retrieved was a little disappointing to me. During my last cycle twice the amount were retrieved and there were 10 embryos to work with. I have hope though, everything has been so great this cycle.<br /><br />The meds are different than what I have used before. The heprin has created bruising at the injection sites on my tummy. I got a great explanation for why that is happening from one of my most favorite nurses, thanks Deb! The IM injections on my behind have been cake! My husband is the one who administers them and he does a better job than any that have been administered by medical staff. Just another reason I think he is so awesome.<br /><br />Last weekend the Wild Wolves tore up the Kodiaks 35 to 6! I love football season, we keep busy, busy, busy. This weekend we will be missing the game due to the transfer, the team mom is taking Eric Friday night and will be taking him to the game. Isaac is going to go hang out with his auntie.<br /><br />We also had a great night at Aunt Janny and Uncle Gib's house, always fun and lots of people. Karaoke/paintball/waterslide and of course BBQ. It is our home away from home up there. Monday I started getting a sore throat, I thought it may be from too much singing. It has slowly turned into a wee bit of a cold, it isn't really all that bad. <br /><br />Right now I sit here writing my blog when I should be writing a paper about the examination and evaluation of the creation of U.S. law. Although the history of law is fascinating to me, I am going to procrastinate once again when it comes to writing my paper; I will start it in the morning and finish it just in time to pick the kids up from school. Yep, that is how I do it. I may re-evaluate this stategy if it fails me, until then it is working out for me.<br /><br />I haven't seen much of my husband today. He left for work this morning got back this evening just in time to get a service call and have to leave again. Out in the field he gets another call and heads over there. He is now on his way home to give me my shot and then back out into the field for yet another call! Normally it isn't like this, they just have quite a few crews out working. <br /><br />I hear him coming down the street now, it is time for my progesterone :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-37332827633005039622010-09-09T19:01:00.000-07:002010-09-09T19:56:30.972-07:00Good things are happening!Since I last posted I have without a doubt found my perfect match! I have had quite a few appointments, just today I had the lining of my uterus checked, it is 6mm. I have another appointment set for Monday to get a re-check. We are doing a fresh cycle, so the egg donor and myself have to be in sync with one another as far as our menstraul cycles go. Although this is not my first cycle, I learn something new every time. The entire process is amazing! <br /><br />So the couple I ended up choosing...the IFs from L.A. It was definately the right choice for both of us. Since we have matched we either talk, text or email daily. I love them, they are hands on and very involved. I got to meet M's mom, she is a super sweet, fun lady. <br /><br />The meds were started on day 1 of my cycle, Sept 2nd. So far I am just taking the estrace, prenatals and aspirin. I am on standby waiting to find out when the injections of heparin begin. My last cycle, which was in April of 2007, I stared down the needle for a good 15 minutes before administering the injection. The injections weren't that bad, I don't know what came over me. <br /><br />School is going great! I am so glad I went back to my original degree program; criminal justice is definately the career field that I am most passionate about. I have managed to maintain a fairly high GPA, this is something I am very proud of. <br /><br />The kids are all doing great. Andrew only had a two week summer because he is on the ILP program at Charter. I am so proud of his efforts and his grades he has worked so hard for. He is a smart young man and always knows how to make his momma laugh. Lil Eric is moving right along in the 5th grade, it is hard to believe that he will be headed to junior high next year! Isaac is adjusting to life as a second grader, he had a rough first week of school, but he is getting better.<br /><br />My husband, Eric, is continuing to work hard to support us and is still my #1 supporter. I couldn't ask for more. I feel like I truly have been blessed with my family.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-80958003310832661662010-06-30T22:51:00.000-07:002010-06-30T23:20:08.326-07:00Finding the perfect matchAfter my failed match I started all over again, I have placed a new ad and have had a good amount of responses once again. Right now I have three couples in mind, although I am leaning towards this one a bit more. <br /><br />Couple number 1 is an older couple from Washington, he is a teacher and she owns a dental lab. They have a twelve year old son who was a twin, his sister died at the age of 10. I really enjoyed talking to her on the phone, she is a very sweet lady. She seems to be a genuinely caring woman.<br /><br />Couple number 2 is a same-sex male couple in L.A. I only talked to M, he was very pleasant and open. The downfall of this match would be that I have to travel to L.A for the transfer and several appointments.<br /><br />Couple number 3 is a couple in their early forties, he is an opthamologist and she is a financial advisor. They seem to be a stable couple and are ready to start a family. With this couple I would have to travel to UCLA for appointments.<br /><br />I have had phone conversations with all three couples and it went well. I will see what the next couple weeks bring.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-64578668129303849632010-06-24T22:23:00.000-07:002013-05-17T10:36:50.405-07:00At the DentistToday all three boys went to the dentist for a cleaning. As the two older ones were getting their exams Isaac asks me "Mommy, why do we have to get our teeth cleaned?" I tell him it is part of good hygeine and for his health. He then asks "Does it protect us from being eaten by werewolves?" This boy is too funny. Isaac will need a filling and some sealants, so when we got home I said that Isaac would have to be "knocked out" for his filling and says "So that means their going to punch me in the face?" We were all laughing so hard!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-87059326927298841532010-06-22T20:27:00.000-07:002010-06-22T22:13:56.042-07:00Summer, summer, summertime!Ah yes, summer is here! The first five days of summer in the Alcala home were filled with sick kiddos. All the kids are feeling better and I am getting restless!! The kids have begun a summer reading program; I love that they enjoy reading. I too am excited about getting some reading done when they do. I have not made the time to read like I used to.<br /><br />Regal Cinemas Free Family Film Festival is back for the summer. I only learned about it a few years ago, but Regal has been doing it since 1991. Tomorrow we are going to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Although the movies aren't new releases, the kids still enjoy it. The boys look forward to popcorn and soda for breakfast and mom gets cool points.<br /><br />The Rock N Roll Marathon was awesome. As I had mentioned previously, I had originally signed up to run the 1/2 marathon, but I chickened out. I had the idea in my head that everyone who ran marathons was athletic and in shape, I couldn't have been more wrong. I was inspired by all the different types of people that ran it. I am so glad that I made the decision to volunteer for Team in Training, it helped me make the decision to at least walk the 1/2 marathon next year.<br /><br />In surrogacy news, I am moving right along with the couple in Rancho Sante Fe. Contracting has been the hardest stage of this journey and we still haven't signed yet. With R & J everything was so smooth, they provided the contract and there were very minimal changes to be made to it. This time around there have been some bumps in the road. I love that we live within 15 minutes of each other and they can be a part of the entire pregnancy, but I just don't feel as deep of a connection as I did with my first journey. I am hoping that changes soon or I don't see us continuing.<br /><br />This weekend we are having a garage sale, we have so much stuff that we just don't need! We also have a lot of Grandmas stuff. In March Grandma's boyfriend died and left behind a lot of stuff that he bought but never used. It made me realize that I am guilty of the same. Like my pilates chair, I had to have it. When buying it I had the intention of using it several times a week, yeah that did not happen. I haven't been shopping, besides for groceries, in a very long time. There just isn't anything that I need, therefore I don't shop.<br /><br />It has been almost nine months since I quit my job and I was starting to get bored! I am looking forward to spending quality time with my boys this summer. Something that we are all looking forward to is getting outdoors. The majority of our summertime activities will be free, except for maybe Legoland and the new water park. The kids tickets are free with a paid adult, SCORE!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-39544995874451902722010-06-02T22:19:00.000-07:002010-06-02T22:43:16.256-07:00Lots going onLast Friday I started my first class at University of Phoenix. I really think that I will like it there, I go once a week compared to 2-3 times per week. I love that this school incorporates team work into our studies. We will do projects as a team and we also do some solo. Working in teams can be rough sometimes, especially when there are people who don't cooperate. I don't "think" that this will be a problem with my current team, but you never can tell.<br /><br />This last week there were a couple graduations within the family. My niece Breanna graduated high school, I am a very proud auntie. Even though high school graduation is something that we are expected to do, less teens are accomplishing this as the years go by. It is indeed a time to celebrate!<br /><br />When I made the decision to do another surrogacy, I decided losing weight would be a good thing to do beforehand. I am down almost 10 pounds in the last 2 weeks! It feels real good. Speaking of surrogacy, tonight I was supposed to have a phone conference with a couple that I was negotiating a contract with, but I think I was stood up. They sent me over a contract Monday night, I looked it over and made some changes that I would like to see and sent it back. I am beginning to think they didn't like my changes. Hopefully that wasnt the case and she will call me tomorrow.<br /><br />The boys are all doing great, everyone is healthy, happy and ready for summer. I am too. Momma needs a tan. I am playing in my head what summer days will look like with me going to school. This won't be the first time, so I am sure I will find that balance. <br /><br />In health news, on Saturday morning I had a muscle spasm in my back. Today I went to the VA just to get it checked out. As I was there they checked my pulse ox and my pulse was high. One of the meds that I take for my weight loss (Rx) may be the culprit. I have to skip it tomorrow and get it checked again on Friday. <br /><br />Sunday I will be volunteering at The Rock and Roll Marathon. When I first heard about it, I wanted to either walk or run in it, but who am I kidding I hate running. So the next best thing to me was volunteering for Team in Training. I am sure the experience will be a rewarding one, and just maybe someday I will at least walk in one of these marathons.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-64579046341064715842010-05-15T23:59:00.000-07:002010-05-16T00:50:30.085-07:00Curran Cousins reunite!Tonight was the first time in over a decade that I spent time with my dad's side of the family. Let me clarify that, I have seen my grandma and aunt over the years but no one else. Turns out that we have all been so close to each other all these years. After so many years the memories have faded and it is time to make new ones. The circumstances in which we are brought together is in the memory of my Uncle Shawn, he passed away on February 19, 2010. It was a very sad day. <br />Sometimes we take for granted that the people in our lives, those near and those distant, will always be there when we have the time. We put off visiting and phone calls thinking that we can do it another time. It hurts so bad when you realize that you could have done more: visited, wrote a letter or made a phone call. In this case there are no do overs, all we can do is learn from it and take nothing for granted.<br />I am a believer that out of a bad situation, there is always some good. In this case I have some great family members that I have been reunited with and it is up to me to do my part in keeping in touch. <br />Sharing memories tonight was so much fun! I can't wait to make new memories with my cousins and their children.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2694507071035763690.post-91450144701127188202010-05-14T14:01:00.000-07:002010-05-14T15:22:43.660-07:00Sometimes, I am quick to make decisions...especially when my emotions are running high. When I made the decision to not do surrogacy again, I made that decision strictly off of the emotions that I was feeling at the time. I just had so much fear inside me. I have finally, after nearly three years, found a way to put the fear aside and think of all the positives. <br />After much thought and discussion with my husband, we are embarking on yet another wonderful journey in surrogacy! It is funny sometimes how a conversation with another person can take you back to a moment in time where you felt so wonderful, and yet you completely forgot about or supressed those feeling until this conversation occurred. That is how this new journey came to be.<br />We were at a birthday party and one of the other party goers I was talking to said that she was due to be implanted that very next weekend. Talking to her made me realize just how much I truly wanted to have another baby for someone. It is that feeling that you get when you know you are making a decision that will positively impact the life of another, it is indescribable.<br />So far it has been different than the first time around, the last couple I had a baby for was the first responder to my ad. Once I was already matched with them , I got just a few more inquiries. This time, the response has been overwhelming! I put my profile on the same site I had put my last profile on, and within 2 days I got a phone call talking about a possible match with a couple from France. I was blown away. It has been 6 days now and I have had nearly 25 responses, two couples in particular that I have felt a connection with. Apparently, experienced GS in California are in high demand. <br />Tonight is the first phone interview that I will have. I remember the first time around being so nervous about the phone interview, this time, not so much. The couple that I am speaking with tonight is one of my favorites so far. If I get lucky again and match with the first couple I speak with, I will be amazed.<br />IUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0